Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.