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I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
A wise man, will often say nothing
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
The best things in life require no pants.
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?