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Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
Social networking sites is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
u cant spell awesome without me
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
i hate that the sun comes up so early
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.