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If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!
Technically, every picture is a before picture.
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.