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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?