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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
If you don’t like being tailgated then don’t play movies I like.
Well it`s about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
I have never walked toward the exit of a supermarket without nervously wondering if I`ve stolen something.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.