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I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
I really have important work to get done, but I really just want to sit here and complete a quiz on what percentage redneck I am..
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.