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Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
I wish my life had background music so I could figure out what the hell is going on.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
My boss acts like during March Madness is the only time we`re less productive. Its cute
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.