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They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
Don’t jump to confusions.
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.