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Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
take me drunk i`m home
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Whoever is in charge of making sure I don´t do dumb stuff is fired.
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
I want to sleep tighter
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!