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Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma`am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over