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If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
I laugh in the face of normal.
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.