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I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading