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One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
Carfax but for people
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"