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I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, Iād like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.