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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on? -asking for a friend
Happy new years, my friends. Thanks for supporting the site, Ralf.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.