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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.