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Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they`re getting insulted or complimented daily.
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
You know what’s funny? Lots of sh!t so lighten the f*ck up.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"