Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes all you need is $100,000
Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
word of the day: nincomtard
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.