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Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
People say, “You have to work on a marriage.” I say, “No thank you. I already have a job
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
In my will, I´m giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn´t say a word.
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business