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Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
The only difference between sex and breakfast is sometimes I don`t want breakfast.
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
Reincarnation is my only hope.