Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
You make me want to be a drunker person
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
“The darndest things.” -kids
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.