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Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
The problem with diets is pizza.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.