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The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
HR have advised that Iām not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
Just another day of not being rich and famous.
I`m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
According to my nipples, there;s a ninety-nine percent chance it`s cold as f*ck outside.