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I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
I have a black belt in leather
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.