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The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?