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I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.