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It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.