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3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"