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off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work