Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s so hard to find obedient minions
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
Someone invited me to their dog`s birthday party on Saturday. What a freak! I am NOT coming to your dog`s birthday party! Besides, my cat is getting married that weekend!
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"