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Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
I`m not "rich" ... But, actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you`re talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still
I was going to get married, but my wife refuses to sign the divorce papers
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.