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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
A wise man, will often say nothing
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
There is no time to check time
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.