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I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
Please do not read this.
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …
It`s okay I`ll text myself back.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)