Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...