Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.