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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
I`m really easy to get along with, once people learn to worship me.
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers