Daily Silly Status

I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...

I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.

I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime

Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy

I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.

I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.

My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.

Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)

Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.

Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."

Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.

You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.

We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.

Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?