Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Iām cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...