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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
To me, suicide seems selfish. For all I know, someone else might want to kill me
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
"Woo, I`m on a roll today, baby!" -butter
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs