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I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5