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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow ... Just sayin
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
?-- that guy is cute ?
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise