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Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.