Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
"10 Totally Epic Reasons Why You`re Going Straight to Hell" - 2013 version of Ten Commandments
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"