Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
What idiot named it a mugshot instead of a cellfie?
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
Sorry, I can`t delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window