Daily Silly Status

I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.

All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.

Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.

Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.

I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.

Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes

Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.

It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.

I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.

I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!

I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks

I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”

According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.

I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.

My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”