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"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"…
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.