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I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
Wal-Mart: Because going to Target requires a shower.