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The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
I have Beer.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
I just threw up my weekend.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.