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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things Iād go to hell for.
So many rules; so little time to break them.
I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.