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I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.