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Haters are my motivators(:
Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up
You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.