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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I`m 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.