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I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
justin bieber
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.