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I have a great relationship with Alcohol..
Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?